We arrived at our new church a few minutes late again today, which is just normal for us now, so I might as well accept it and move on. Anyway, got the littles checked into their little class and then the big kids and I went to big church. Steve was at work today.
During the "worship set", there was this new guy we hadn't seen before playing bass guitar. He looked like Cam from the show "Modern Family" and boy, he was really getting with it on his bass. Chloe started mocking him a little (don't worry, we were in the back and it was dark. No one could see us) and I just found it hilarious. We had a good laugh at Cam on bass and really didn't sing at all. Then, during the message or the "talk", which was about making God the center of our lives and not all the things we make idols like sex, drugs and rock n roll, or even good things that we place too much importance on like career and family and material possessions, the pastor mentioned that many of our idols have guitars or footballs or microphones, but none hang from a cross except for Jesus. He's a different kind of idol....well, somewhere in all that seriousness, he mentioned the word trident---I don't even know why. But all I could do after that was start quoting "Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgandy" with the kids. We were lost for a few minutes.
"Brick killed a guy with a trident!"
"I saw that! Brick, you should just lay low for a while because you are probably wanted for murder."
Then later, I thought (while still at church and still not listening) why are we even here? I mean, it's no secret that I've been struggling for quite a while with faith stuff, but still feel compelled to attend church. I've talked about how it's about the shared ideals and community and service and and the teaching of the judeo-christian ethic. It's also possibly because in the deep inner recesses of my mind, I still fear that hell is real and that if we don't keep drinking the koolaid, we'll all end up burning in an eternal lake of fire. Or something.
I read somewhere that young people are leaving the church in droves. Barna did some study in the last few years that concluded 70% of kids who have grown up in the church are leaving not only the church but their faith by the age of 22. I thought, what if my own kids sense their mother's lack of total committment to the church and all that it represents, and that in some small way, that leads to them becoming a part of that 70% of kids by the time they reach adulthood. I know I'm giving my own influence too much credit in this imaginary scenario, but still. How would I feel about that?
And the truth is, I just don't know. In some ways, it would be liberating to be able to walk away. In other ways, just too, too scary. It's all I've ever known. And also, despite everything, I think it is helpful in life to always be striving for finding deeper meaning. I enjoy the process of searching for God, whoever he is or whatever that means. I think that it is good to see yourself in the perspective of the bigger picture and a notion of God helps do that. I think I would hate to see my kids walk away from that altogether and conclude that this life is all there is and that there is no greater purpose to it all. Even if there isn't, gosh it helps it get through the tough times to at least cling to a thin shred of a belief that there is.
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