Literacy Night and Stuff

Tonight was "Literacy Night" at Jude and Simon's elementary school. I remember going to these things when Jake and Chloe were younger.  They are an eensy bit of a snooze, but the kids love them.  Basically we show up and get a schedule of what room to go in the school on a rotation for the duration of the program, two painful hours.  Each station lasts for about 20 minutes in which we either have theme-related snacks, make crafts, or play games. Tonight's theme was "Whoville" and so all of it was about Grinch stuff. Whatever.

I had planned to take the boys to it when I got the flyer a couple of weeks ago, but then forgot about it until tonight at about 5:40 when Simon ran into the room with his pants all on fire and shouted, "Mom! MOM!!! It's Literacy Night! We HAVE to GOOOOO! It's going to be SOOOO MUCH FUUUUUUNNNNN!!!!!!!"
We were just finishing up dinner and Jude would need at least a new shirt.  Dinner can still be a messy proposition for Jude. 
"How terrible is it if I just take Simon?" I asked Steve.
"Not terrible at all. Jude and I will clean things up here and hang at home. He doesn't even care about it. You two go."

Eccchhh. Okay. So we started to get on our coats and Jude ran over and got his coat, too. He got  little upset when he realized that he wasn't coming. No tears or full-blown tantrums, just a little pucker and some whining.
I directed his attention back toward his daddy and sneaked out to the garage with Simon as stealthily as possible.
I felt terrible about it all the way there.  He had every reason to be there just as much as Simon. Steve was right, though. He didn't even know where we were going, he just wanted to go.  Once we started rotating through the stations, I realized that it was better that Simon and I were there alone.  Jude would've needed so much assistance with the crafts and the games, which required a little bit of reading, that it would've just turned into whole different kind of evening which would've involved me giving a completely lop-sided amount of attention to Jude.

Before we left, Simon made some comment about how Jude is dumb and he doesn't even know anything.
It was just sort of an aside, said under his breath. Not meant as a taunt, just an observation.  Still, I knew I had to address it without making it into federal case.  "Hey Simon," I said. "Remember that Jude has Down syndrome which means that he learns things more slowly. He can't help that. He's your brother and you love him and you need to be kind. Saying someone is dumb is not kind and I want you always to be kind to everyone."
 "Yeah. Okay," he said. And that was that. 

Unrelated, but good story: The other day Simon had a friend over who was teasing Jude about playing with dolls.
All sing-songy, "Jude is a girl! Jude is a girl! He likes dolls! Jude is a girl!"
Jude didn't care at all. I don't think he knew he was being made fun of at all. But Simon did. It went on for a few choruses of that when Simon had enough. "No he isn't! He just likes dolls!" The friend stopped his annoying little song and looked at Simon, surprised.  "Okay," he said. And that was that.

Oh, and also, tonight at Literacy Night, I ran into someone we hadn't seen in a long time. She asked why Jude wasn't there (Guilt! Shame!) and I said he's just hanging out with Dad tonight. She asked how he is doing at school and I said pretty well. Is he talking, she asked. Well, not much, I said.  Oh.  Sad, sympathetic face.  So I try to keep things upbeat, but I can tell she thinks the whole thing is just so, so tragic.
She reminds me of a conversation we had shortly after the twins were born in which apparently I told her that I hoped Jude would be a superstar or something because he had good genes, a full-time typical peer in his twin brother Simon and a mom who is a teacher!

Did I really say all that stuff? I probably did. I'm totally embarrassed by it now, though. There's this thing that I semi remember feeling after getting Jude's diagnosis that, well, we may have a kid with Down syndrome, but he's going to be the VERY BEST kid with Down syndrome who EVER LIVED!  He will break all the stereotypes and shock everyone with his achievements! I wish I could talk to that mom of nearly six years ago, so shell shocked at being thrown headlong, completely unprepared into Disability World and help her realize that she probably should just, um, stop talking.  I must have been just reaching for any way to try and soften the blow or make it seem more hopeful or, gosh. I don't even know what I was trying to do.  I wish I'd have just kept my mouth a little more closed.  That would've been better.

Down syndrome affects people differently.  On the spectrum of things, I know we could have more problems than we have had to this point. Health-wise, we've been very fortunate. I also know that there are kids Jude's age who are talking up a blue streak and reading.
As if you can possibly predict such a thing as Down syndrome superstardom at birth. As if it matters.  It is what it is. And I still say the jury is way out on what it is.